Each one of us has their own personal obstacles that appear when faced with change. Three communication challenges (I’d like to call them) that we need to overcome:
- Learning to Accept
- Getting Over Your Pride
- Learning How to Compromise
In my book, “Blind Spots: How to Embrace Curiosity, Disruption, and Imagination to See Yourself as a Change Agent” you’ll find many pages written on the subject of change, its inevitability, and how to learn from it by being curious.
Today I’d like to talk about the communication challenges that occur when we’re faced with change. I will use examples from my own life experience.
Communication Challenges – Lesson No.1 – Learning to Accept
The day that I was diagnosed with the disorder that would take my eyesight within two weeks, I found out that if I wanted to learn to use the white cane, I would have to go to the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation.
There, they would assign me a Caseworker who in turn would assign me to a Trainer.
Wow, me? A caseworker? NO WAY! I am a giver, not a taker, I was thinking and rejected the idea—until I realized that the only way I could get trained on how to use a white cane was to follow the aforementioned steps.
While meeting with my caseworker, she marveled at the fact that here I was, still sighted but seeking instruction. She told me that she has clients that have been blind for over five years, and are still in denial.
My “advantage” was that I became suddenly blind as opposed to a slow and gradual process—which makes it truly difficult to decide on what day you pronounce yourself blind.
What also helped me, was that in our Bible study group we had been discussing what it means to be humble, and one of the definitions we settled on was “the ability to accept help.”
I really had to go through a process of first accepting that I now lived in an altered reality, and then, that I could not continue with my life as it was.
Communication Challenges – Lesson No.2 – Get Over Your Pride
After losing my eyesight, I was contacted by Erik Weihenmayer, who clearly told me that I needed to realize I was the same man I was before losing my eyesight, and to not “lose sight” of that fact. I had only lost one of my senses.
I was surrounded by people eager to help, desperate to help ME transition, and yet, I obstinately thought I could do it alone.
My own pride was one of the biggest communication challenges I had to overcome. It took many mornings of waking up to the reality of my blindness to realize that my life had indeed changed and that if I was to take action, the time was now.
I was living through the difficulty of environmental change, and falling into the role of victim. It felt good to feel sorry for myself—to bask in the misery of my perceived prospects, and not have to marshal the strength to make purposeful changes in my life that would allow me to move forward.
Don’t make the same mistake! Allow your friends, colleagues, and family to give a helping hand. Become curious about alternate outcomes and explore how much YOU need to change to adapt to the new reality!
Communication Challenges – Lesson No.3 – Learn How to Compromise
Shortly after losing my eyesight, my friend Tim called me to challenge me to do the Elephant Rock “century” ride on a tandem bike.
After I first refused, I realized I could be a proud man sitting on the couch, or compromise and be back on the saddle feeling the exhilaration of eating completing a climb or long ride, feeling the wind in my face and the sweat running down my back.
I called Tim and we set the date for our first training ride.
I was so excited to get riding that when Tim arrived, all I wanted to do was to get on the road. However, Tim wanted to know all about the gears (the bike has twenty-seven), the disc brakes, how we would communicate, etcetera. I grew impatient, but realized quickly that both Tim and I had different management styles, Tim more deliberate, and myself more intuitive.
When you find yourself in a merger, an acquisition, with a new boss or even a new life partner or spouse, do you find yourself NEEDING to be in control? Do you find it hard to compromise? You see, I had no choice: I would either, continue to compromise and learn to work with Tim, or go back to sitting on my couch.
If you are not curious about the other person’s point of view, you will destroy the ability to work harmoniously together.
Are you going through a gradual change right now, and simply making those small changes part of your life, but ignoring the big picture? At what point will you take ACTION?
Incremental changes around you are lulling you into a sense of security you should not be feeling.
You need to be the change agent, seize the initiative and assess, as best you can, the full impact of these incremental changes.
Like the person who is slowly going blind, one day you may wake up and realize your marriage is over or your health is beyond help, or your job is beyond salvaging.
Are you humble enough to understand that as the world around you changes, you cannot always do it alone? Are you willing to acknowledge that your children, subordinates or spouse may know more about a subject than you do? So stop being stubborn and accept that you can overcome your communication challenges!
